$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
