I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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