I'm going to jail i love you
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
