Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I am available for nakedness
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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