Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
