I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
