Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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