who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
