I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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