THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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