Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
