Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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