even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
