he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
