Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
