i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
home. puking in laundry basket.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
