it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize