happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Randomize
