why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Can I color on your dick again?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
