Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
