One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
