If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
