"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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