im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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