party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The feeling are messing with the penis
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
