i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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