Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Randomize