Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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