Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
