is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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