i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
