respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize