apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
