you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
