arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
