Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
