I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
