omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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