the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
