I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
