I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
