ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize