So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
