DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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