Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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