Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
