Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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