Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
well you can't waste a boner
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
