glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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