I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
i believe in u and ur pee
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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