Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
