I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
