My hand turned me down
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
