Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
