Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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