i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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