when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
