I should be sponsored by Trojan
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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