He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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