She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
