We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize