She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
