I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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