I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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