google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Randomize
