end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
