in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
