Fuck appropriateness.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
