I wish I could punch you in the face.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
