at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
