id be glad to
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
