Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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